Stellar Mother

Dear Stellar Mother – My husband has no idea what he’s doing in terms of raising our infant daughter.  For example, her nappy (diaper) is always on wrong when he changes it and he refuses to dress her in the clothes I pick out for her to wear.  I am trying not to be too controlling, but he obviously needs my help because I worry about my daughter’s safety.  How can I make him listen to me?  Worried in WA

Dear Worried -

The scenario you described does not put your daughter’s safety at risk.  Your husband is not the enemy, and you need to relax your grip or risk strangling your ability to be good parents.

Parenting has a HUGE learning curve and your husband – like most of new dads – has no clue what he’s doing.  This is ok – I know you have learned a few things since becoming a mother, too.  Kids pick up on the vibes from their surroundings, so although your husband may do minor things differently than you, try to stay calm and focus on the big picture.  And it’s ok to disagree on how to raise your daughter, but regardless of your compromises (and there must be compromises), it is crucial you & your husband are on the same page.  Otherwise, one day your daughter will sense the differences and play them against you both to get what she wants.  And that’s not good for anyone.

Remember: it takes two people to make a child and both of them to raise it.  Your husband will do things his own way and, unless it puts your daughter’s life at serious risk, let him learn how to be a parent, too.

PS – If he’s willing to change the nappies, why are you stopping him?