Stellar Mother

As I plan my son’s one-year birthday party, I am bracing myself for the inevitable question I will be hearing from the party well-wishers: “When are you having another baby?”  And while it may seem like an easy question to answer, I find that I do not have an easy answer for it.  And replying with, “None of your business” simply won’t do.  This question requires some serious soul-searching.

The irony is that my husband and I both agree: we want a large family and approximately 2 years is a good age gap between kids.  So that means we need to think about #2 soon.  But now that we’ve come to a time to think about taking the next step to make it happen, it’s a bit scary… so what’s the problem?

If it were up to my husband, I’d be pregnant again.  But it’s easy for him to say.

I love being a mother and I adore my son.  He’s at a great age – every day is a new discovery – and he’s just started giving hugs & slobbery kisses.  He’s funny and cute and hasn’t yet learned how to say ‘no.’  He sleeps well, he eats well, and he’s very clever.  On the good days (and most days are good days), I think, “Yes, another one of these would be ok.”  But then I immediately think, “Could I really love the next one as much as this one?”

Now, a good friend of mine is an only child.  Her mother once said she only had one child because she didn’t think she could love the second-born as much as the first-born, and I remember thinking, “That’s crazy.”  But now I get it.  I get it because I’m giving 100% to my son and having another one would mean… 50/50?  That doesn’t seem fair to either child.  But parents with more than one child – including my parents – assure me that the parental love multiplies as the family grows.  So it’s not 50/50 but 100/100.  It’s called the inexplicable love of parenting.

Another reason I’m not sure about ‘having another one’ is that I am not sure if I want to do the pregnancy/labor/recovery thing all over again.  I’ve had a year to forgot most of it, but I remember enough to know that I’m not excited for it to happen again.

I am a full time stay-at-home mother and many days feel like the Twilight Zone.  It’s the same thing every day.  While it’s great to have a baby on a routine (and baby needs a routine), sometimes I am jealous that hubby gets to go to work while I stay at home.

But all these reasons aside, part of me is ready for another child.  The reason?  My son needs a sibling.  A little brother or sister to boss around, someone to look after, someone with whom to cause mischief that gives mother grey hairs.  A fighting buddy and a friend for life.  So yes, I will have another baby.

But I guess I still don’t have an answer for the nosey people in my life so concerned with my private business.  When are we having another baby?  I don’t know… I guess there’s not a right or wrong time to increase the family.  Either way, it will happen when it happens.  And it will be a blessing and a good thing.

And you, dear readers, will be the first to hear about it.